Asshole Drivers!!

This post is meant for satire, not an excuse for a flame war.

This is dedicated to all those asshole drivers we all love to hate. The examples below aren't in any particular order or 'preference'. Nor do the examples below direct blame at any particular kind of VEHICLE. Cars, pick-ups, big rigs and even SUVs aren't exempt. Men, women, young, middle age and even elderly people apply here. It's the assholes who drive them we're talking about here. Also, this stuff here DOES NOT refer to casual 'offenders'. We're just talkin' about the habitual assholes here.

1. If you are a chronic red light runner, you're an asshole. Most people run a light now and then, but there is a segment of society that run them on purpose and think their time is more important than yours or mine. They make a habit of running red lights which puts EVERYONE at risk. You're a 1st class asshole.

2. If you're a chronic speeder, you're an asshole. Most people drive a few miles over the speed limit but there also a segment of society who drive at 20, 30 or more m.p.h. over the speed limit. It's YOU people who are a deadly risk on the highways. You jerks are probably the one's who bitch about the high price of gasoline at any given time, yet YOU are the one's who waste gas by driving like assholes on the highways.

3. If you're one of those people who exit to a right lane exit from the left lane of a 3, 4 or 5 lane freeway, you're an asshole. 'Nuff said!

4. If you drive with your headlights OFF in the rain, fog, dawn or dusk, you're an asshole. The point of having your lights on is so people can SEE YOU! Is that so hard to grasp? If you do that, you're ignorant and if someone runs into you because thy can't see you, you deserve it.

5. If you weave in and out of traffic, you're an asshole. That shit is dangerous and not everyone is looking for you to cut in front of them. What's the damn hurry? You should leave earlier than you did if you're that late for your appointment at your psychiatrist.

6. If you step on it from a green light to show everyone how fast your vehicle is just to make to the next red light, you're an asshole. Plus, you look stoooopid as hell because everyone else is saving their gas and they look at you as a retard because you just had to stop at the next light.

7. If you get on a freeway at 40mph, you're an asshole. Why? Because the speed limits on most freeways are 60mph or higher and why the hell should WE slow down for YOU to get on? You have a gas pedal. Use it!! Or ride the shoulder until there's someone dumb enough to let you in.

8. If you see that the lane you're in says "merge" and you race ahead to the 'front of the pack" and cut someone off to get in, you're an asshole. Go to the back of the line and wait your turn like everyone else. You people that do this piss me off to no end with your selfishness. You're a 1st class asshole.

9. If you're lost and stop or slow down in the middle of the road, you're an asshole. Why? Because now, everyone else HAS to slow down or STOP to accommodate your dumbass. Pull over to the shoulder or go to a gas station and ask directions.

10. If you hate speeders and you ride in the left lane of a freeway because you're doing the speed limit, you're an asshole. You have NO right to impede traffic. Most states have a law that says you're obstructing traffic and you can be ticketed for doing so. You idiot. You're NOT the police. Keep to the right and stay there if you want to drive the posted speed limit. On a freeway, you drive with the flow of traffic.

11. If you drive 10 or more miles UNDER the posted speed limit on ANY road, you're an asshole. A good clue is if you see people tailgating you or passing you one after the other. Drive the speed limit or stay home.

12. If you tailgate people, you're an asshole. You're dangerous. Go around the slow idiot. Here we have 2 assholes. One driving slow (see #12) and another tailgating. Two assholes (peas) in a pod.

13. If you pass in a no passing zone, you're an asshole. In fact, you're another 1st class asshole. The no passing zone is there for a reason. People get killed because of assholes like you.

14. If you pull out right in front of approaching traffic, you're an asshole. Now everyone else has to hit their brakes to accommodate your selfish ass. Wait your turn, you idiot.

15. If you pull out in front of a big rig, you're an asshole. As i stated above, NOW the truck has to slow down to accommodate you. Plus, they have 10 or more gears and generally, they have to shift thru 5 or more to get back to the speed they were going. You asshole.

16. If you cut a big truck off to exit the freeway or cut in front of him to turn onto a side street, you're an asshole. You deserve to be hit from behind.

17. If a big truck is passing you and you speed up, you're an asshole. Most trucks these days have governors on their engines and they can only go so fast and NOW you're causing problems. Now we have 2 lanes plugged up because of your game-playing, you asshole.

18. If you're a trucker and you speed excessively, you're an asshole. Big rigs create big messes when they crash and we don't need your dumbass making a bigger one when you crash.

19. If you don't let a trucker in when they have their blinkers on, you're an asshole. Some truckers aren't familiar with the area and may see their exit coming up quicker than they thought. Be nice and let them in. If you speed up to keep him from getting over, you're a first class asshole.

20. If you pass a trucker on the shoulder, you're an asshole. Shoulders aren't for driving on and a trucker (or cars for that matter) aren't expecting you to come around them on the right. Maybe the big rig will blow a tire as you pass and you'll sustain some damage to your vehicle. Tough shit if that happens, isn't it?!?

21. If you cut in front of a trucker as he's slowing down for a red light or stop sign, you're an asshole. It's bad enough that truckers need time AND room to slow down and now you compound the problem even more, you asshole. That's how rear-end collisions happen.

22. If you constantly are screwing around with shit in your vehicle (cell phone, radio, reading or writing shit) and can't maintain your speed or are weaving, you're an asshole. Your responsibility is to DRIVE and not be distracted. Also, hang up the cell phone if you can't do both at the same time safely.

23. If you drive drunk or high, you're an asshole. 'Nuff said.

24. If you ignore yield signs, you're an asshole. 'Nuff said. Hope you get hit.

25. If you do any of the above on an intentional or normal (ignorant) basis, you're an asshole, and you don't deserve to have a drivers license.

If you've been offended by all of this, tough shit. You're just mad because someone just pointed out how big of an asshole you are behind the wheel!

If you get on a freeway at 40mph, you're an asshole. Why? Because the speed limits on most freeways are 60mph or higher and why the hell should WE slow down for YOU to get on? You have a gas pedal. Use it!! Or ride the shoulder until there's someone dumb enough to let you in.

Over here, traffic is obliged to move over to let somebody join the motorway. We are supposed to have lane discipline in that we are supposed to drive in the left-most lane and use the other two for overtaking - and that includes traffic joining or leaving the motorway.

For those countries that have lane discipline on their motorways/highways I would like to add

26. If you fail to move into the inside lane when you are not overtaking traffic, or if you sit in the middle lane where there is no reason to do so you're an arsehole because that clogs up traffic behind you and creates a bottleneck for people trying to go around you. Besides, crap like that is dangerous if people are forced to undertake you.

Our laws state that when one is entering the freeway, they have to yield to traffic already there. That's a 180 degree difference between USA and UK traffic laws. Of course, over here it can vary state by state but it's almost universal if not 100% universal. Most traffic laws here are consistent from state to state.

Btw, i wrote this when i was still driving big rigs. So, it's a reflection on a lot of the garbage i used to see day in and day out.

I think the idea for our traffic law is to maintain flow of traffic. Traffic entering the motorway ought to be doing the national speed limit (70mph) and traffic already on the motorway just moves over. It works if the laws of the motorway are respected and numpties actually move over when they are supposed to and need to.

The_Amber_Spyglass wrote:I think the idea for our traffic law is to maintain flow of traffic. Traffic entering the motorway ought to be doing the national speed limit (70mph) and traffic already on the motorway just moves over. It works if the laws of the motorway are respected and numpties actually move over when they are supposed to and need to.

Another one; numpties.

Here it's also designed for traffic flow. It appears that it doesn't work either way. Big cities are impossible to drive in around the USA. Dallas was a real shit hole for me. People say it's as bad there as in Chicago and almost as bad as LA or NYC.

Minneapolis is a piece of cake for me. Many who live there whine about it. I tell them that they haven't seen bad traffic.